`Sugar Coated Delusions`

February 8, 2008

Best Friend

Filed under: Main — melfabro @ 8:43 am

For what its worth you might like reading this medyo long story, if you have the time.

Best Friend

It all started when I was 6 years. Old. While Iwas playing outside on our farm in California, I met aboy. He was an average kind of boy who’d tease you and
you’d chase them and beat them up. After that firstmeeting in which I beat him up, we kept on meeting andbeating each other up at the fence. That only lasted for a while though.

We would meet at the fence all the time and wewere always together. I would tell him all my secrets. He was very quiet and he would just listen to what Ihad to say. I found him easy to talk to and I couldtalk to him about anything.

In school, we had separate friends but when wegot home we would always talk about what happened inschool. One day I said to him that a guy I liked hurt me and broke my heart. He just comforted and saideverything would be okay. He gave me words of  encouragement and helped me get over him. I was happyand thought of him as a real friend.

But I knew there was something else about himthat I liked. I thought of it that night and figuredit was just a friend kind of thing that I was feeling.

All through high school and even throughgraduation, we were always together and of course Ithought of it as being friends. But I knew deep insidethat I really felt differently. On graduation night,even though we had different dates to the prom, I wanted to be with him. That night, after everybodywent home, I went to his house and wanted to tell himthat I wanted to see him.

Well, that night was my big chance and all I didwas just sit there with him watching the stars andtalking about what I was going to do and what he was going to do.

I looked into his eyes and listened to him talkabout what his dream was. How he wanted to get marriedand settle down. He said how he wanted to be rich and successful. All I could do was to tell him my dreamsand cuddle next to him.

I went home hurting because I didn’t tell him howI was feeling. I wanted to tell him so bad that Iloved him but I was too scared and frightened. I letmy feelings go and told myself that someday I wouldtell him just how I felt.

All through college I wanted to tell him but healways had someone with him. After graduation he got ajob in New York, I was happy for him but at the same time I was sad to see him go. I was sad also because Ididn’t tell him how I felt. But I couldn’t let himknow now that he was leaving for his big job. So Ijust kept it to myself and watched him go on theplane. I cried as I hugged him for what I felt was going to be the last time.

I went home that night and cried my eyes out. Ifelt hurt that I didn’t tell him what I had inside myheart. Well, I got a job as a secretary and thenworked my way to a computer analyst. I was proud ofwhat I have accomplished.

One day I got a letter with an invitation to amarriage. It was from him. I was happy and sad at thesame time. Now I knew that I could never be with him and that we could only be friends.

I went to the wedding the next month. It was abig occasion, the big church wedding and the receptionat the hotel. I met the bride and of course him. I fell in love one more time. But I held back so itwouldn’t spoil what should be the happiest day in hislife. I tried to have fun that night but it waskilling me inside, watching him being so happy and metrying to be happy, covering up my sadness, tears inside me.

I left New York feeling that I did the rightthing. Before I left on the flight, he came runningout of nowhere and said his goodbyes and how he wasvery happy to see me. I came home and just tried toforget about what went on in New York. I had to go onwith my life.

As the years went on, we wrote each other on whatwas going on and how he had missed talking to me. On one occasion, he never wrote back to me at all. I was getting worried as to why he hadn’t written anything for a long time after I had already written 6 letters to him. Well, just when everything seemed hopeless and sad in my life, I got a note that said “meet me at the fence where we used to talk about things.” I went and saw him there. I was happy to see him, but he was broken hearted and sad inside. We hugged until we couldn’t breathe anymore. Then he told me about the divorce and why he hadn’t written for a long time. He cried until he couldn’t cry anymore. Finally, we wentback to the house and talked and laughed about what I had been going through and to catch up on old times.
But in all of these, I couldn’t tell him how I felt about him.

In the days that followed, he had fun and forgot about all his problems and his divorce. I fell in love again with him. When it came time for him to leave back to New York, I went to see him off and cried. I hated to see him leave. He promised to see me every time he could get a vacation. I couldn’t wait for him to come so I could be with him. We would always have fun when we were together.

One day he didn’t show up like he said he would. I figured that he might have been busy. The days turned into months and I just forgot about it. Then I got a call one day from a lawyer in New York. The lawyer said that he died in a car accident going tothe airport. And that it took this long till everything was settled.

It broke my heart. I was shocked about what took place. Now I knew why he didn’t come that day. Again,I was broken hearted. I cried that night,cried tears of sadness and heartache. Asking questions, why did this happen to a kind guy like him?

I gathered my things and went to New York for the reading of his will. Of course, things were given to his family and his ex-wife. I finally got to meet her since the last time we met at the wedding. She explained to me how he always provided. But he was always unhappy. She would always try everything but she couldn’t get him to be happy as he was that night at their wedding.

When the will was read, the one thing that was given to me was a diary. It was a diary that of his life. I cried as it was given to me. I don’t know what to think. Why was it given to me?

I took it and flew to California. As I flew on the plane, I remembered the good times that we had together. I started reading the diary and what was written. The diary was started the day we first met. I read on until I started to cry. The diary told of him saying that he had fallen in love with me that day I was broken hearted. But he was too afraid to tell me what he had felt. That is why he was so quiet and liked to listen to me. It told of how he wanted to tell me so many times but was too afraid to say anything. It told of when he went to New York and fell in love with another. How the happiest time he had was seeing me and dancing with me at the wedding. He said he imagined it was our wedding. How he was always unhappy till he had no choice but to divorce his wife. How the best time in his life was to read the letters written to him by me.

Finally, the diary ended when it said “today I will tell her I love her.” It was the day he was killed. The day I was going to find out what was really in his heart.


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